Death is a Jerk

November 8, 2013

Death Bah!

I’m sure if there is a personification of Death, they are really sweet. It’s the consequences of their actions that are horrible. So he/she is a Jerk.

It’s a strange concept that haunts and terrifies me.

I remember when I first realized that someday I wouldn’t exist. I was in the car with my mother and had just clipped my seatbelt in for the hour ride to the nearest big town for groceries.

My whole world went black for a moment and I thought I might faint. I must have been seven or eight when I realized that someday I would end. Instead of doing the intelligent thing and talking to my mother about it, I internalized it and it freaked me out.

But Death only terrorizes the living. As far as I know, once you’re dead it’s not scary anymore. It’s those left behind that feel the pain and fear of death.

I’m older now and slightly wiser than my seven year old self, I hope, and I’ve come to realize that Death should be scary. It should paralyze people but it’s important to remind ourselves to appreciate what we have and those around us, while we still can.

Happy Birthday Mom

I lost my mother shortly after my twenty-fifth birthday. She’d been sick for several years, but it still took me by surprise. I had come to terms with my own mortality at seven but I never came to terms with hers.

Today is her birthday and I miss her.

She raised me and helped shape me into the man I am today. More than that she was also my best friend for a long time, I knew I could tell her anything.

It’s been over five years now and it still hurts the same, I think it always will.

Thank you and Happy Birthday Mom. I love you.

Death in Writing

I tend to shy away from killing my characters. I mean real death, not superhero death. It’s not that I’m afraid to, it that I’m afraid of not being able to give the death the emotional weight it deserves.

That last thing I want is to write a story or book, kill off a character, and be the only one who grieves.

The threat of death, and the history of death, drives most of my characters as I imagine it drives most of humanity.

Another reason I don’t often kill off my characters, especially in short stories, is that they’re going to die anyways. I’ll finish the story and their lives will end. It’s one of the reasons I hate writing short stories. I feel for the characters and then they are gone. It hurts in a ridiculous and silly way.

Question and challenge

Has there ever been a death in something you’ve watched, read, or listened too that hit you hard? Did it surprise you? Thinking about it now, was it important to the story?

I’m going to challenge myself to write a story where someone dies and see if I can make the Jerk come to life in words.

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The Runaways

August 18, 2010

“Let’s runaway” my mother told me two years ago. Her rotund face framed by false blond curls, was aglow with excitement. She had said such things before but this time was different. If only I had known how different it would be.

“We’ll jump into the car and drive. No direction just you me and the open road. We haven’t been on an adventure in years and look how beautiful it is outside. The leaves are changing the air is crisp. Get your camera and we’ll go now.” The mask of her excitement cracked for only a moment, showing just enough worry that I had to say yes.

Before I had even finished nodding she was packing a sandwich lunch. Her homemade purple dress flapped and danced around the kitchen like a tiny purple culinary tornado. I ran to get my camera.

Being in my early twenties and having moved away from home meant I was no longer required to pretend I was too cool for these trips. I had always found them exciting. She called it “Running Away” but we rarely went far and on the rare occasion we did, we were home within a week.

I had a head start on the running away, I had flown it the night before. Running away from my life and growing up. I had just finished University with a degree in English and teaching. My mandatory Term of Service with his Highnesses Royal Army, started in a few weeks and after that I had a ready made, pre packaged life ahead of me. I’d return from service be wed to my genetically compatible husband or wife and teach the school I was most needed. It scared me, I felt like my freedom and life, were ending. Pushing away my worries, I concentrated on my last week of freedom and the only person I wanted to spend it with.

“Do you think we’ll see a T-Rex this time? I can’t believe I missed the picture last time.” I said as we got going. She smiled at me and took my hand, squeezing it and laughed. The one and only time I had seen the endangered species I was twelve and my shock and awe at actually seeing one made me forget to take a picture before it had run back into the trees.

[…]


A Review of Star Trek (2009)

May 12, 2009

star_trek_movie_poster_imaxIn my family Star Trek has been a tradition as long as I can remember. I’ve seen all the movies in theaters with my mom and brother since the Voyage home in 1986. I’ve read the James Blish Novelizations of the Original Series and Watched most of the episodes. I’ve seen every episode of TNG, DS9, and Voyager. I did miss season 3 but that will be rectified someday.

I went through 3 major phases as a kid, Dinosaurs, Star Trek, and Robots. I might have moved on from pure and total obsession but boy do I still love the universe. It might be because I have so many great memories of watching TNG with my family all comfy on the couch with a big bowl of popcorn or it could be the hopeful vision of the future either way I love Star Trek.

Sadly my Mom couldn’t be with us last Thursday when we went to see Star Trek but she was with us in heart. I know she would have loved it. I did however bring my Fiancée who had never seen anything but the Trouble with Tribbles. She loved it and I think she’ll be into watching the new Blu-ray release with me. We went back on Sunday and here’s my review.

Short Version: Amazing it was truly a good Star Trek movie.   Longer version after the cut.

*Warning Mild Spoilers*

Read the rest of this entry »


What a year!

December 19, 2008

It has been one hell of a full year; a real rollercoaster ride with all the heart stopping twists and turns.

Let’s star with Viridian Sky, after November 24th I stalled completely on the story, since I’ve written maybe 2000 words. It’s not a terrible thing it’s just a by product or absolutely no planning ahead on my part. I have a good idea what’s going to happen from now on I just need a good ending to work towards. I don’t have any illusions, this book is ok and should be a little better after I fix certain things but it’s not great. Writing a great novel wasn’t the point of it anyways, writing a novel was my point and I’ve proven that I can do it. Well almost. I look forward to finishing it and cleaning it up. Hopefully I can do it before February for everyone who wants to beta read.

This morning I was walking to work thinking about the holidays. It’s going to be hard this Christmas. It was my mom’s favorite holiday and it’s going to be hard without her. As I was walking this morning the song, “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)” came on my MP3 player and I couldn’t help crying. It’s still hard for part of my mind to realize she’s gone.

I miss her.

Many happy things happened this year as well. I proposed to my girlfriend and she said yes. We planned a good portion of the wedding and I’m very excited.

I spent the year job hopping. I’ve had 5 jobs this year and find myself unemployed. Although I do have several options open right now. Worst case I’m unemployed for a week and get to work on the novel.

On my livejournal I posted my annual Resolutions last year and I though it would be nice to look them over and see how I’ve done:

http://edesmarais.livejournal.com/41476.html
– Exercise more, join a gym. (Maybe if I pay for it I’ll go more often?)
– Write more.
– Draw more.
– Take more pictures.
– Start a D&D group.
– Start a Webcomic.
– Be more positive.
– Take an acting class this summer.
– Take at least one university class in spring.
– Pay off most of my debts.
– Keep moving Forward.
– Propose to Jen

Well I can split this into two groups, those I’ve completed and those I haven’t.

Completed: Write more, Draw more, Take more pictures, Start a D&D group, Be more positive, Keep moving Forward, Propose to Jen.

Not: – Exercise more, join a gym, Start a Webcomic, Take an acting class this summer, Take at least one university class in spring, Pay off most of my debts.

I did pay off some debts but not most and I will be taking a class in Winter… I hope.

Overal 7/12 humm 58%

Well that’s not really good but I’m still proud of the things I have done.

It’s been a tough year and I look forward to the next. I’ll post my new years resolutions some time soon.


Thoughts posted at The Creative Act.

September 18, 2008

Here I stand; she holds my hand.

 

The smell of wet earth fills my nostrils, and the late summer sun warms my face. The wind blows foretelling a storm.

 

Everyone is here but you. No one knows what to say but they all look beautiful. Suits, dresses, nice shoes, and colourful ties contrast the grey, green, and brown.

 

Read more at The Creative Act: http://thecreativeact.wordpress.com/2008/09/18/bye-mom/