Word of the Day story April 1, 2014

April 1, 2014

It was Felix’s birthday and the day he hated the most in the world, the first of April.

For most people it’s a harmless tradition, a day to make people laugh, cry, or get angry. It was all in good fun, unless it was your birthday. If you were born on Christmas no one expected you to be an excellent gift giver. If you were born on Valentine’s Day no one expected you to be an amazing lover but if you were born on April Fools, you had to be an excellent prankster.

Felix didn’t even like pranks or jokes really. He was a serious man, which was reflected in his charcoal gray suit, simple tie, and professional haircut. His shoes were buffed and his world was organized. Just way he wanted it.

Every year since he had started working, he’d take the day off. Stating that it was nice to take his birthday off, the real reason was to avoid the chaos and frustration that the day brought him. Even then he’d sit in his home and fret about the possible and horrible pranks that the sillytonians of his city might attempt.

Unfortunately that day he had an important meeting and try as he might his client refused to move the date. So he was going into the office and he was going to be careful and vigilant. No one was going to trick him this year.

At his desk there was an envelope, in a disgustingly cheery blue colour. It said Happy Birthday Felix. Taking the handkerchief from his pocket, he nudged the envelope into the trash. You could never be too careful, he thought.

“Happy Birthday Felix!” stated Margery, his cubical mate. She was a distastefully messy person and even worse, she was always cheerful.

He looked at her and narrowed his eyes. What did she mean by happy birthday?

He pursed his lips. Why did she look so smug?

He tensed his shoulders. She wouldn’t be one of those hoax-ters, hoax-ians, Hoax-ites? He’d have to look that up later.

He flared his nostrils. What was she planning?

Looking guilty and backing away she said, “Your morning meeting is here.” Her voice cracked a little. She must be hiding something.

Taking off his coat, boots, and hat, he placed them in their proper areas. His hat shifted and he righted it. Jaunty was for pirates and criminals not hat racks.

When he had put away all his things he looked at his watch, it read eight-fifteen. His client was dreadfully early. Their meeting was set for eight-forty-five. They would just have to wait.

At precisely eight-forty-three, he walked into the boardroom. His client was sitting at the large table reading a book. A large hardcover book with bright colours and some sort of large lizard on it.

When she put down the book Felix was transfixed by the intelligent green eyes that had been hiding behind it. Beyond piercing eyes was a perfectly symmetrical face on a proportional head. The rest of her was well dressed and professional. Her suit could be the perfect match for his with the exception that she wore a scarf and not a tie. The scarf however was dark red; the shade was perfectly mirrored in her lipstick.

Despite her use of garish colour, he felt well disposed towards her. Which he’d would openly admit is better than he felt about most of the human race.

“Mister Felicis, it is nice to finally meet you,” she held out her hand and to his great shock he shook it. Normally he would expect there to be an electric buzzer or some other nonsense but he had been so distracted by his first impression that he didn’t consider it. There was no buzzer.

“Same to you Ms…?” he waited for her to sit before he did.

“Oh of course you’ve been dealing with my admin haven’t you. I’m Amanda Eris.”

“Nice to meet you Ms Eris. How can I be of service today?” He said it and was shocked with the realization that be meant it and wasn’t just being pleasant.

“Actually, I’ve been sent here to make sure you don’t die until next week.” Her left eyebrow went up slightly and she seemed to be smiling.

“Uhm, I see,” he started and then exclaimed, “What?” This had to be one of those vile chaotic jokes.

He got up, turned around and was about to leave when she said the words that would change Felix’s life forever, “I’m not joking look.” She pointed the remote control towards the boardroom television.

On the television were firefighters and police officers, along with multiple screaming people. Such a disgusting sight that he didn’t recognize his own apparent building until his picture was shown on the screen with the words “Suspect” under it.

Read Part Two

Evil not Stupid

September 15, 2009

Word of the Day: sternutation

It was a lumbering hulk of a castle, built completely of black stone. The plans where drawn up by thirteen crazed wizards and at times it seemed like there was no way to if a corridor went to a bed chamber or a crocodile pit. Also there seemed to be a distinct lack of washrooms. This meant it was always empty until an attack when monsters and guard magically appeared in random and unexpected places.

“Sir” Said the small hunchbacked Dwarf. “I have the information you asked for about the prophesised hero.”

The Evil villain rose his long black cape billowed in anticipation. His eyes crackled with power and the Dwarf was forced to look away.

The response, in contrast to his movements, came slowly anger boiling behind each word waiting for an excuse to bubble over. “Yes, Dwarf. What is it that you have learned.”

Dwarves shouldn’t squeak they are a proud race with deep voices but this Dwarf shamed his people by almost mimicking Mickey Mouse’s voice. “Sir, he shall pose no… no, threat to you.”

“That is for me to decide minion. Don’t insult me with your petty assumptions.” His composed voice rose in a contemptuous crescendo; the last word causing the walls themselves to shake.  

Darting back and squeaking un-Dwarf-like once again he continued “Bu…But he is nothing master. A simple farm boy, with a rag tag group of friends. He is just lucky that he’s made it this far without killing himself.”

At the words “farm boy” the Villain jerked backwards his face contorted as if he was going to sneeze, but the sternutation never came and his face became more twisted in shock with every word.

“Sir…” the Dwarf stuttered before continuing, “his only advantage is that he wields his fathers sword”

The villain shuddered and sat back onto his throne. When he spoke again all power and strength had disappeared from his voice, “Is one of his companions not from around here? Were his adopted parents killed? Does he have a quirky talking animal sidekick?”

The Dwarf looked confused having never heard fear in his master’s voice before, “Yes Sir, to all your questions. But don’t worry Sir. I have good news. He’s been hurt. His wounds are most likely fatal and if he does survive he’ll be scarred for life.”

Now the villain looked three feet shorted and spoke slowly again but his words quivered in fear, “Scarred for life… Oh god it’s the end of the second act.” He got up running to his chambers he took out a large travelling chest and started to put anything around him into it.

The Dwarf watched him confused, finally working up the courage to ask, “Where are you going Sir?”

The Villain lifted the travelling chest and put a hand on the Dwarfs shoulder. “You’ve been a good lackey but I know when the full force or literary tripe is coming at me and I assume there must be other countries or worlds I can rule.”

Taking his black onyx crown off his head and placing it on that of the Dwarf’s, he said, “Good luck.” Before disappearing.

Word fo the day Expatiate

August 10, 2009

Today’s work is Expatiate.

The pressure was suffocating, the sun was blinding but was nothing compared to the noise. It burrowed into his head and expanded threatening to push his brain out of his ears.

Quickly he closed the door. He tried walking into the world once every year and it became more difficult every time. If it were up to him he’d just stay in his dark cool basement bedroom. Frank, his brother, insisted that he try leaving every year and every year the fear was overwhelming. How could people live like that, so much noise everywhere bright lights, all trying to assault your senses? Then there was the smell and the sky, by far the sky was the most terrifying thing he could imagine; a blue void waiting to collapse or a black speckled vacuum relentlessly beating on the fragile atmosphere of earth. He’d tried to explain it to his parents, his brother, the doctors; they said he was delusional or agoraphobic. They wanted to roam freely in the large scary world and all he wanted was to stay in the basement, reading and writing. He wasn’t a great writer he hadn’t been published or tried to be he simply enjoyed putting words and stories on paper.

In his writing fear didn’t control his world, he controlled everything it was the closest he’d been to true freedom. In his stories he could expatiate the world and his imagination.

He had friends in every character he wrote or read but no one understood his passion anymore then his fear.

One day he’d have to leave, he knew it, but for now he was happy and had been for so long it didn’t matter to him that he was missing anything because he had everything he needed. The fear was still there and strong but the will to be normal died so long ago he barely remembered it.

Alien abduction stories were some of his favourite to read but he could never write one. It didn’t come to him like other stories could, he certainly never expected to live one.

The Professor

May 20, 2009


“The world ends?” She asked.
“Yep that’s what at least four ancient civilizations say.” He spoke with a slight lisp but it didn’t detract from his chiseled jaw or bright smile.
“Oh come now, professor, why should we believe what extinct civilizations say? I don’t see you sacrificing any virgins to make sure the sun rises but more then four civilizations believed it was necessary.” Dashani’s ponytail bobbed with every word and her high pitched voice aggravated everyone in the class but him. Sometimes he felt that they were almost alone in class conversing like two adults in a coffee shop. Often he would forget about the other dozen graduate students in his class as she spoke to him her auburn eyes flickering in his direction.

Read the rest of this entry »